Thanks for
hosting this excerpt of Becoming Jinn!
The scene I’m including here comes early in the book after Azra has pushed her
mother on why she has to do this: why she has to become a Jinn. One of the
themes in Becoming Jinn is the
importance of family, and for Azra that is her mother and her Zar “sisters”—the
fellow Jinn girls she’s grown up with but has never been able to relate to.
Friendships between girls are vital for the support and strength they give us
all, and Azra is—or should be—no different. This scene is the introduction to
all the Zar sisters in Azra’s life. Two things to note: “to app” is to move via
Jinn teleportation and “Mr. Gemp” is a genie lantern that passes from one Zar
sister to the next on their birthdays. I hope you enjoy!
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“Look, Azra, here’s the thing. This may not be the life
you want, but it’s the only one you’ve got,” my mother says. “Making the best
of it, not the worst, is up to you, but it’s a long road to take all by
yourself. Life is compromise, after all.”
Compromise? Really? That’s what becoming Jinn is?
My knuckles turn white as I ball my
hands into fists. Without
a word, I peel out of the kitchen and march toward the stairs. Until the bangle
taps against my leg, I forget I don’t need the stairs anymore.
I app myself to my room, relishing the internal burn as I
collapse on top of my white comforter. I flick the bangle with one finger,
letting it ride circles around my wrist.
Compromise suggests a concession on each side. But we’re
the ones who have to give up everything. We live without the rest of our
family, in our little Zar enclaves, churning out the next generation of Jinn.
Being able to conjure chocolate truffles doesn’t make up for that.
My mother doesn’t understand. She can’t understand. Yes,
the same restrictions apply for her, but that wasn’t always the case. She grew
up with her mother and her father. She had male Jinn in her life, including my
father. It wasn’t until around the time I was born that the Afrit ordered all
male Jinn to leave the human world. Even if she only had my father for a short
time, it’s more than I’ve had.
I bury my head under my pillow until the smell of
browning chicken wafts through my open door. I sit up. My mother’s cooking
without magic for me. She’s trying.
My birthday present, the purple shirt neatly folded on my dresser, further
chastens me. I know she’s trying.
And the truth is, unless we want to bring the wrath of
the Afrit down on us, neither one of us has a choice. On this long road, all we
really have is each other.
Mr. Gemp materializes out of thin air on my nightstand.
I swear, sometimes it’s as if my mother can read my mind.
Because we don’t just have each other. We also have our Zar sisters. At least
we’re supposed to.
Open. Close. Open.
Close. I toggle the
lid, but nothing escapes in a cloud of blue smoke. I pick up the lamp to move
it to my bookshelf and notice the top isn’t fully closed. Something’s caught in
the hinge. Not a magical genie—at least not yet.
Rolled up inside the lantern is a photograph of six tween
Jinn. Along with our shiny hair and penchant for sugar, we inherited our
closest Zar relationships from our mothers: me and Laila; Mina and Farrah; Hana
and Yasmin. I always thought Hana got the raw end of that deal. Which everyone
else must think of Laila.
Laila, sweet, blond, petite Laila, who, even in the
picture, is a head shorter than the rest of us. Standing in front with her
skinny arms spread wide, the tip of one finger in front of me and the tip of
the other in front of Yasmin. The mortar in our bricks then and now.
My mousy self-cropped hair and slouch is countered by
Yasmin’s cascading jet-black curls and arched back. With her long skinny nose
raised in the air, all that’s missing is the pointy black hat. Again, then and
now.
Hana. Next to me, with her fiery-red hair grazing her
shoulders and mine. She was in her eyeglasses-wearing stage then. As if she
needed them to prove how smart she is.
And in the middle, Mina and Farrah, as close as Siamese
twins. Born with a noisemaker in her mouth and party streamers around her
belly, baby-faced Mina stands in her signature stance of hands tossed high in
the air. With her boundless energy and vivacious personality, she’d match, hoop
for hoop, any dolphin at SeaWorld. Next to her is square-chinned Farrah, whose
quick, sharp movements and cuddly nature always reminded me of a rabbit. Her
foot’s caught in mid-tap and her finger tugs on a strand of hair as she works
to cover what she’s always thought was a slightly too-big forehead.
Laila, Yasmin, Hana, Mina, and Farrah. My Zar, who
stopped inviting me to their birthday parties. But who, apparently, are still
coming to mine.
I wonder if they feel as conflicted about that as I do?
Even before I flip the photo over, I know the date it was
taken. The day I turned ten. The first birthday I didn’t share with Jenny.
I remember the present Laila gave me: a framed picture of
Jenny and me kneeling on the grass outside her house with the tiny Laila
standing on our backs. Henry took that photo.
I remember the awkward looks on Hana, Mina, and Farrah’s
faces as Laila gave me that present. None of them acknowledged Jenny’s absence
then. None of them had acknowledged Jenny’s absence in the year before then.
Though Jenny had been as much a fixture in my life as they’d been, when she was
gone, it was like she never existed.
But mostly, I remember Yasmin. Walking in on her reading
my diary later that day. Seeing the guilt turn to hurt on Hana’s freckled face.
Watching Mina mistakenly snip Farrah’s dark brown bangs too short. Feeling
Laila’s warm fingers interlacing with mine, holding me back as much as holding
me.
“None of them!”
Yasmin read, stomping her foot and treating my words like those of a petulant
child instead of a grief-stricken “sister.”
Not Hana, not Mina, not
Farrah, not Yasmin. None of them came. None of them said they were sorry. Not
right away and not in the months since. She was my best friend. I thought she
was their friend too. They acted liked it. Are they acting with me too?
Laila’s the only one who
cares. She’s the only one I need. I’d trade all the rest to have Jenny back.
I’d trade all the rest to have Jenny back for a single day. Let the Afrit take
them. They deserve that and more.
Even Yasmin’s voice trembled as she read that last line.
Each one tried to apologize. The heart-shaped pillow
embroidered with my and Jenny’s initials that Hana made me still sits on the
chair next to my window, though Mina’s collage of all the guys from One Tree Hill has probably been recycled
into toilet paper or coffee filters by now. The mix CD Farrah gave me, bursting
with the falsetto of all her favorite boy bands, is tucked away somewhere on my
shelves. Yasmin’s card? The one where she listed all the reasons not to
befriend humans? I read it and burned it.
Maybe in her own way she was trying. They all were. But I
couldn’t. My tenth birthday is one of a handful of times my whole Zar has been
together in the years since. The more our mothers pushed, the more we pulled
away.
Sometimes, Laila and I were a team. When Yasmin pulled a
new prank on a human, we tattled together. But when Hana staged one of her
runway shows, making each of us model ensembles she put together from clothes
conjured by her mother, I hit the pavement alone while Laila hopped right up on
the lighted catwalk our mothers’ powers built. Mina and Farrah morphed from
infatuated preteens to full-blown boy-crazy Jinn, sneaking into clubs to see
emo bands that I mistakenly thought had something to do with an annoying
character on Sesame Street.
By the time I was ready to forgive, they were past
wanting me to.
But maybe the genie lamp my mother just sent up here
shows they’re ready to try. Which leaves me as the only one not.
As usual.
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